Are you sort of dating someone? Is "romantic" too strong a word to describe your relationship with someone you have really, really strong feelings for? Do you do a lot of feeling and not a lot of talking? Are you "not allowed" to get jealous? Do "good morning" and "good night" messages on Whatsapp make you feel like you're Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"?
If you answered yes to two or more of the above questions, you likely have an acute case of " The Situationship ." It's not a friendship (let's get real), and it's not a relationship because call it that and it's a fast-track ticket to a lovely "talk" on the corniche (assuming they're decent human beings).
No. Nowadays, we seek refuge in the obscurity of the "situation." It's a hallmark of contemporary times, and especially in our region. It is a no-mans-land between the "serious relationship" and the ghastly "friend-zone."
Folks, the modern Arab has done away with romance. It's taxi light on or taxi light off . If it's ON they'll dispatch their mom the formidable spouse-hunter to find you. If it's OFF, they'll string you around to satisfy their ever-present need for a "special companionship" and make a really active effort to constantly calibrate your "emotional needs" like a lab technician with a test tube.
Why Arabs? I don't have any empirical evidence to support the "Death of Arab Romance" theory. It's a hunch, furnished with a decade of anecdotes. It might have to do with us constantly straddling a fine line between tradition and Western notions of modernity. Maybe it's cause we suffer from all-round shaky financial statuses ( seen our astronomical youth unemployment stats lately ?) that won't 'allow' us to settle down. Maybe it's PTSD ... Shoo bi 'arifna, dudes.
Point is: gone are the days of legendary Arab romances like Omar Sharif and Faten Hamama's.
Habibati, welcome to: The Situationship.
1. You don't go on dates, you "hang out"
Did you just say date? Only use that word if you're referring to tamr, habibi. In a situationship, you turn the pressure cooker down a notch and say "wanna hang out" to propose hours upon hours of emotional and/or physical closeness. Isn't it bromantic? Word.
2. You use a lot of "sort ofs", "maybes" and "potentiallys" to describe them
I never thought I would hear the words "sort-of boyfriend" since I binged on the "Sweet Valley Twins" series in the 7th grade. But lo and behold ... the return of playground drama in the guise of the totes postmodern 20/30 something.
You haven't really defined who you guys are yet, because you've so transcended labels. But your enlightenment happens at the expense of your verbal fluency. "This is my sort of, potential girlfriend if things run smoothly until things 'just feel right.'" It doesn't sound good, dudes. Words. We've crafted them for thousands of years. Use them to save a broken heart.
3. There are more plot twists in your story than in an Egyptian drama
The biggest mistake everyone in a situationship makes is believing that having an obscure "situation" serves as a kind of bulwark against relationship drama. No. Instead of a relationship, you have signed up for a "story" and a story is nothing without plot and a plot is nothing if not for highs and lows. So, congratulations.
4. Holding hands is the new home base.
Welcome to the land of the topsy turvy.
5. Talk about the ex for hours
Because you walk the invisible tightrope between friendship and romance, you have to do some pretty advanced things, like listen to your situation talk about his/her ex. Shadia's Albi yhabbi marra ma yhabbi marraten rings in your ears, but you try to brush off your anxieties in hopes of advancing towards an advanced, selfless love. Love it.
6. You have a Whatsapp quota
Whatsapping with your situation is a bit of a dance. Send too many and you risk being seen as a stalker; send too few and you stumble into *gasp* ... friend zone. Also, be sure to take your sweet time before you answer – or even open – a message from him/her.
I understand the situationship has been invented for a reason (reasons lost on me, but still) and I'm not condoning throwing yourself into a relationship
But do consider the pitfalls of complicating what could be simple, and ... you know ... just relax!