Whatsapp and Lebanese moms have their own special etiquette. It's mostly socially awkward, and they know it. No, they don't just know it. They own it!
And you knew the risks when you opened the chat box with her ...
1. Sending her a picture of yourself ... only to see it as her profile pic moments later
Have you ever sent your mother an embarrassing picture of yourself that only seconds later showed up as the picture at the top-right corner of your chat screen? Of course, when you tell her to take it down, she just says "bas leeee, mahdoume kteer."
Eh it's mahdoume for you to look at ... not for other people to see!
2. Listening to voice notes at max volume
Whether you're in a public space or glued to your couch at home, your mom is famous for having the world know what those voice messages are all about. We don't know if she just doesn't know about the hand receiver option, or if she's needing just a little bit of a attention. And there's no harm in that, guys.
The practice continues with back and forth messages between her and the person she's chatting with. Sometimes you even listen to the same voice note more than once.
3. She sends you a flood of voice notes because there's always "one more thing"
You gotta admit, voice notes are convenient, especially when you just don't have the patience to text, but your mom never has patience to text. So, she ends up sending you ten voice notes after each other to tell you something she could have resolved in a simple two line text. But, laaa. And don't you dare lose track of the voice notes, otherwise, No. 4 ensues ...
4. Sending you bahdale
Calling you names like hmara or kalbe are among the words your mother uses to "bahdel" you via text.
5. The real bahdale with an army of angry emoticons for being late to dinner
Late to a azeemi? You've somehow managed to expect this message from your mother. Ahama shi el million angry emojis...
6. Calling you on Whatsapp, despite the bad connection
Mom just loves calling you on Whatsapp, even if you're on a camping trip in Wadi Qadisha where 3G is more of a concept that a reality. Her fascination with almost-free phone calls won't wear off anytime soon.
7. Scrolling through her contacts just to look at their profile pictures
It's like flipping through Mondanite .
8. Obsessively checking your last seen
Your mom needs to make sure you're not dead, abducted or in an ER. And she needs to do this roughly every hour, and even then it's with some restraint. She used to call you on your cell phone ... but that's not an option anymore because of Whatsapp, al hamdilla. If you've disabled the feature, she somehow always manages to find a way to bahdel you into turning it back on.