Exercising at Dubai Mall 101

The holiday season is notoriously known as a time for family, friends, love and food, lots of food.

But between family gatherings, outings and shopping with the low prices of the DSF (Dubai Shopping Festival) who has time to go to the gym?

Well, lucky for you, I have devised the perfect way to exercise without the gym. All you need to do is go to the one, the only, Dubai Mall.

Driving there, with no traffic, isn't much of an exercise. Lucky for you, there is no such thing as a trip to Dubai Mall with no traffic. 

Work on your calves as you constantly accelerate and brake, especially while stop on the ramps to get to the parking. Don't forget to work on your vocal chords as you curse those who try to cut in front of you. 

Nothing burns calories like road rage, guys! 

After searching high and low for a parking spot--which really helps your biceps and triceps with all that inexplicable turning--your parking spot appears like a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. 

No matter what, it's hot in that parking lot. Try jogging to find the mall entrance and you'll lose the holiday weight immediately. 

You should go to The Dubai Mall with a clear plan in your mind. My friend and I went with the intention of a few things:

1. To have dinner
2. To buy gifts for people in different countries
3. For me to buy him a gift

So, you need to know where you want to park and where you're going.

Let's start, as I did, at the cinema parking. If you're nerdy, you pass by the gaming stores (Geekay, Games Mart), the Noble Collection (Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings memorabilia). 

We then passed by the fountain to eat at Circle Café

We then decided to go to Book World or Kinokuniya. You know it's just a world of books how big could it be?

My friend and I are huge bookworms, so we spend around two hours there, some of it because we're lost, but most of it by choice. 

If you haven't perused at least half of the store, you're not trying hard enough. You have to work off those gingerbread cookies! Now, MARCH.

You want those graphic novels? Squat to get to them! 

You want that novel on the top shelf? Remember the box jumps! 

After you've bought something, now you're working on your arms again.

Right next to Book World is Virgin Megastore! I don't think there's a person on Earth who won't find something amusing at the Virgin.

Walk around, looking at the weird stuff, the unicorn onesies, the YouTuber books, the iPhones and Androids. 

You lose a lot of calories by just walking around and finding interesting shit on every corner. And if you bought some things at Kinokuniya, your forearms are looking mighty fierce right now.

It was at this point that I realized I didn't have enough dirhams to buy my friend a present, my money being all in U.S. dollars (I live in Lebanon). 

Now, we're walking with more bags that are only getting heavier to the Metro Link. 

Walking down the Metro Link is like falling down the rabbit hole. You're doing some serious stretching by turning your head at all the kiosks. 

Your quads are getting a lot of exposure from how many times you need to bend to get back your stuff after putting them down.

And anyone will tell you the Metro Link is super long so, yeah, you're burning off some more the calories.

After the Metro Link, we had to get back to the Cinema area, which is where Sadek Music is (I was buying my friend a ukelele). 

We were already halfway through Dubai mall and were ready to head back. But one does not simply, "go" to his/her car...one must trek for another 15 minutes. 

Up your knees and walk at this point. Straighten you back. No dragging your feet! I don't care how tired you are! This is the final stretch!

After all this, we went back to the parking, got in my car, and drove off.

That night, I slept like a baby. Dubai Mall is a great place for exercise. I feel at least a kilo lighter.