7 things we learned from Ahlam’s new show 'The Queen'

The first episode of " The Queen " aired on Dubai TV last night. The program, which is a modified version of Donald Trump's "The Apprentice," follows 12 "Halloumis" – a term coined for Ahlam ’s super fans – as they battle their way to the heart of "Queen Ahlam" by performing special tasks and passing challenging tests in order to become one of her confidants and part of her inner circle.

And like anything Ahlam does, the program was over the top. The reaction on social media varied from praising Ahlam’s great confidence and I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude to criticizing this self-indulgent program which celebrates Ahlam’s bizarre antics and the portrayal of her hardcore fans as slaves who are willing to do whatever it takes to win her heart and trust.

No matter what we think of the program, we can’t deny that we have learned some valuable things from it. Here are some of them ...

And by that I don’t mean the famous cheese. Google Earth must take note of this new kingdom where the currency is a golden coin embossed with Ahlam’s face ... post surgery of course.

In a galaxy not far away (probably somewhere in the GCC) lives an army of devoted Halloumis who can recite 99% of Ahlam's songs and are willing to throw each other off a cliff to prove they are worthy of being the number one fan of "The Queen!" Not sure we want to visit that galaxy any time soon ...

As one of the contestants proudly said in the program: “ما فيش حلومي ضعيف” or "there is no such thing as a weak Halloumi" … Make sure not to get in a fight with a real Halloumi then!

During the "interrogation" part, Ahlam could not speak because she did not want the contestants to know that she was present with them in the same room. So she had to rely on her facial expressions (or what is left of them) to express joy, disappointment, shock and approval. The result was a hilarious series of mimed expressions; each of them deserves its own meme!

If you are a true and loyal Halloumi, then you will be able to recognize Ahlam’s “sneeze” on the spot! At least that’s how the blindfolded contestant Nawal knew that Ahlam was in the room with her when "The Queen" faked a sneeze.

Nawal, the same contestant with the super hearing power, credits Ahlam for saving her life when "The Queen" made a cameo appearance in one of her dreams and told her "Nawal you fool, you don’t deserve this miserable life you have with your abusive husband!" We salute Nawal’s courage and self confidence for telling such a cringe-worthy story on TV … applause please.

"I heard many times on my program The Queen that I'm arrogant. You really wronged me until now you have seen nothing yet. Wait for me next week and the upcoming weeks and see the arrogance"

"I am not arrogant. I've been like this all my life. God gave me the prestige of royals, what can I do. It's against my will. I love you"

Despite the constant and harsh abuse and criticism "The Queen" receives on social media, she continues to be as vocal and defiant as ever … She seems to have grown a skin thicker than that of her beloved Hermes crocodile handbags and she simply doesn’t care what you think of her. So if you are jealous, you will have to suck it up, keep calm and keep watching "The Queen" … until your eyes bleed.