Arabs: we're a poetic people. But I think the ones that are best at waxing lyrical are our parents, specifically when confronted with "bad behavior." You remember that time you broke her "most expensive plate" (it wasn't), or the time you ranked third in your class (because of course, by some statistical miracle, each of our parents were first in their classes).
Here are times we think they went overboard, and sounded hilarious trying to justify the cruel and unusual punishment that would surely ensue.
The answers you are most likely to hear from your parent should you muster the courage to ask for more “masroof” are:
,- "Did anyone tell you I’m sitting on a bank?"
- "Do you think money grows on trees?"
- "When I was your age my allowance was one lira and I even managed to save from it!"
Do you think your mama will be fast asleep when you come back home from a night out at 2 a.m.? Absolutely NOT! She’ll be wide awake to greet you with this classic line: “Is this a hotel or a house?! Is this how I raised you? Is this the example you want to set for your little brother and sister?”… etc… etc…
3. "You only have one job in this life... and you failed in it."
Nothing annoys Arab parents more than a low grade at school. Their dreams and hopes start collapsing when they see that B or C or F on your school report. And who can blame them: “You only have one job in this life… and you failed in it!” There goes your self-esteem.
4. "Why are you being so nice?"
You can’t fool Arab parents with sweet kisses and hugs because 99 percent of the time they think your affection is a calculated act. A classic answer in this situation will be: “kheir? What do you want? I just gave you masroof… if you really want to be nice to me then go clean your room and do the washing”… #EpicFail!
5. "Biddi rabeekon min awwal w jdid" (I'm going to raise you all over again)
"You broke the China, you incompetent fool. And it's all my fault. I'm going to need to erase your personality, and mould you into something else entirely." Phew...intense.