10 types of Dubai drivers who should be banned from the roads

Despite the rush hour and unpredictable road rage, owning a car in Dubai is a must. It is a lot easier to drive a car than to catch bus number 08 and then walk from the bus stop to your next destination in the blistering heat or wait for a taxi for eternity!

But since we spend a lot of time on the roads in Dubai, we encounter various types of drivers who make our time on the road an interesting experience that is far from boring or – God forbid – dangerous!

Yes, I’ve set my cruise control on 119 and yes, I’m in the far left lane. So, can you PLEASE leave some space between you and my trunk? Don’t flash your lights at me, I ain’t moving! (At least not until we reach that radar ahead).

These drivers know how to turn up the party anywhere, especially on Sheikh Zayed Road at 5 p.m. Stuck in traffic and nowhere to go? Why don’t you lip sync for your life! Not during Ramadan though!

You can spot them mostly on JBR and Dhyafa road. They roll their windows down, even if it’s 49 degrees outside, and have their custom playlist blaring loud to share their taste in music with the world. They try to look cool, pretending they’re into their music, while secretly peeking from the edge of their eyes to see if anyone is down with their jam.

You find these usually on Jumeirah and Al Wasl road as well as on Al Dhyafa road. Why? Because black cars are SO 2002 and glitter is in!

These folks take the song Slow Ride’s lyrics way too seriously, but for some reason, you see them in the left lane. If you’re reading this and you know this might be you, please go to the right lane … some of us like the flash of the radar!

And by managing their anger I mean they’re taking it out on you, on others, on the road and on that stupid traffic light in that intersection of Media City and Internet City. I mean WHO PUT IT THERE? WHY DO I NEED TO STOP FOR 5 MINUTES WHILE THE RIGHT LANE IS OBVIOUSLY OPEN? WHO NEEDS BUSSES ON THE ROAD TAKING UP ALL THE SPACE? AND NOW WE HAVE A TRAM RUNNING THROUGH THE CITY? NO I AM NOT SHOUTING, YOU ARE JUST DEAF!

They have one hand on the honk, and the other making a rude gesture that they are not even trying to hide. They are not mad at you, they are just too important to let you drive in the same lane as them.

They have one hand on the steering wheel, one hand on their phone's screen and both eyes on that screen. You’ll spot them swerving all the way to the left then all the way to the right without any consideration for others’ safety! Talk about multitasking!

They are physically there but mentally they are on another planet. They drive as if they are alone on the roads without any regard to you. No matter how much you honk at them or signal to them, they will not see you … They DON’Y want to see you … They are the road zombies!

The nice ones who give way to passing cars … The ones who allow you to cut in line at the only entrance to Discovery Gardens … The ones who allow you to jump in front of them last minute at the Pepsi exit because you totally forgot about it … Or the ones I like to call “The Ghost Drivers of Dubai” because you actually never encounter them on the roads! But if you do, please tell them they should be banned too because they are disturbing the dynamic of Dubai roads and confusing other drivers.