10 things to expect at a Lebanese hair salon

Going to the hair salon in Lebanon is always nerve-racking. No matter how long you have been going to the same place, there is a very good possibility you will be listening to and experiencing rather "entertaining" events.

My best tip: smile and nod.

Going in just to get yourself a simple hairdo for a dinner you are attending tonight? You'll probably come out looking like a poodle.

Don’t act too horrified though. It will "drop" in a couple of hours.

Whether you asked or not, rest assured you will be getting all the gossip at one go: who got married, who got divorced, why they got divorced, and what the thoughts on the whole situation are.

If your hairdresser asks you "Who cut or dyed your hair last?" ... Just say it was YOU!

Because if God forbid you went somewhere else, you will be told how horrible the color and cut is and how hard he has to work on it to fix the disaster, which is your hair.

All those vitamins you have invested in mean nothing! Because our dear friend the hairdresser has the answer: your hair is too dry and damaged and NOTHING on earth will repair it the way his masks will.

Do not take this personally!

With every visit you will be given an update on your weight – always with a “lesh?"

Leish nashaneh? Yii…lesh daafaneh?

Insert eye roll.

If you ask for the head hairdresser, he is always too busy to attend to you because he is wandering around the salon with a comb in his back pocket adding final touches to a single strand of every woman’s hair.

All those months you worked so hard on sustaining your Cara Delevingne bushy eyebrows just went to waist because the eyebrow lady believes your eye shape is asking for something else!

Do NOT freak out. The steam and smell of burnt hair is just a natural process of curling. We guarantee you, your hair is not burning!

If you dare say "excuse me my hair is on fire," you will simply get a sarcastic laugh... meaning your nuts to assume something that insane!

In case you were wondering, yes, your hairdresser does believe he has super natural powers!

If you thought you were clean enough, the person washing your hair at the salon definitely thinks otherwise. Confused between a massage and lice extermination? No need for panic! The migraine at the end is from the minor brain injury you just suffered.

Naaiman!