“Shu, mfakarni hmar?” You try to explain technologies to them, but make very sure to not sound patronizing in anyway. God forbid they think you’re smarter than them. In the end, these are features Arab parents share when it comes to tech.
1. Skype calls = screaming matches
You’re Skyping with a relative, and they suddenly ask to talk to your your mom or dad. Because they live so far away, your parents assume they need to yell to reach them
From one Arab child to another, don’t wear earphones. Have mercy on those ear drums.
2. They take ‘Facetime’ too literally
Me: “Mama, if you put the phone in front of you I can see you”
Mama: “Yih! Keef?”
Me: “Mama, teknologia”
Once they finally do put the phone to their face, it’s normally way too close, or just half of their face. Talk about up-close-and-personal.
3. They can’t get over Whatsapp voice notes
The first time you send your parents a voice note, you will revolutionize their world. They will listen to it, and their minds will explode. They will start sending you a voice note for anything and everything. Like a song you like. Some of the voice notes will consist entirely of the sound of their laughter.
Today, My mother sent me a voice note of the noise the voice note button makes when you touch it. Why? I still don’t know.
4. You will be left out in the cold if you don’t like, comment and share their photos
Now that they’re more accustomed to Facebook, they will rage whenever you don’t Like their photo. Your aunt’s cousin’s friend’s roommate from 5 years ago liked it. Why can’t you? Ingrate.
Baba: “Why didn’t you like my picture?”
Me: “Baba I did”
Baba: “La, bas kabaste like”
Baba: “Lazem tiktibe shi”
5. Sending you endless, meaningless photos = turn off your auto-download feature
It’s best to switch the auto-download feature off as soon as your parents are active on Whatsapp. Between sending you good morning photos, and millions of videos, your mobile data will crash and burn.
6. Not comprehending Google
Mama: “Shou fina naamel bi Dubai?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Mama: “Eh, Gawgliya.”
7. They don’t understand Snapchat filters … OK Snapchat altogether
Using Snapchat filters with your parents is a risky game. First, they’ll get a real kick out of their mutilated faces (face swap is always a favorite for a good laugh). They’ll marvel at how you’ve done all this with just an app.
However, if you use the dog filter …
“SHOU ANA KALB?”
R.I.P. Your phone’s shattered to pieces.
8. Your personal Twitter fans
If you have your parents on twitter, they will be on your profile all day, liking all your tweets, retweeting some random ones. They are your biggest fans, and will probably have your notifications on. Remember to be halal at all times, your parents are watching.
9. Bragging rights
You obviously want your parents to be the coolest at their fancy dinner parties, with all of them pulling out their smart phones to post this or that luxurious event on Facebook.
Whatever you’ve taught your parents will come up in an elaborate way to one-up their friends. The most tech-savvy one wins, friends!