7 realities that are too real for new drivers in Lebanon

In Dubai, the roads are relatively new. In Beirut, you have to develop a sorta supernatural skill that allows you to navigate potholes the same way you would pick bad lentils from the good. 

It's an art. A fine one. One can even say it's a science, which brings to mind many other types of "holes" you should also avoid...

(I was talking about loopholes and black holes, where did your mind go?)

Sure, being constantly on the road can be tedious. But, since I've only just started driving in Lebanon, why does everyone suddenly want to be a Mc Driving Killjoy? 

Me: "I'm excited to drive to work tomorrow for the very first time!!"
Mc Driving Killjoy friend: "Excited to drive in Lebanon... that's a first."

Someway, somehow, you've managed to stay in your little bubble of excitement, but no, the Mc Driving Killjoys out there won't have it, and talking about the traffic becomes their weapon of choice. 

Yes, traffic is horrible. Traffic is the biggest waste of time ever. It can suck the life out of you. 

But, I'm still in the honeymoon phase of driving -- let me be! Traffic to me now feels as though I were in cab, except I'm not paying to be in traffic, I am traffic. 

Mc Driving Killjoy friend: "How was the traffic today?"
Me: "Not too bad, it was OK. The people were crazy though!"
Mc Driving Killjoy friend: "You get used to the people, not the traffic."
Me: "But, it doesn't bother me."
Mc Driving Killjoy friend: "Shh.... trust me."
Me: *smirk* 

My dad has a saying that goes a little like this: "When driving in a new place, forget everything you know and start again."

Me: *slows down at yellow light*
Dad: "wrong"
Me: *let's kind stranger pass before me*
Dad: "wrong"
Me: *uses indicator*
Dad: "eh la meen haydal signal?" 

Honest question, who does this hurt? How would anything I just did hurt anyone?

Answer is no one. Use your indicators. 

I am simultaneously supposed to be brave, cautious, aware and maintain my distance. For example, I should stay away from big trucks, but not be scared of them and face them head on.

It's a tough battle, but by God can I conquer it! 

Calculating the move of every driver around you is a talent you should nourish. The secret to getting it is to always expect the unexpected. 

On a side-note, does driving in Lebanon make you bipolar? I need to know because I'm crazy enough as it is and don't need more problems. 

First rule of driving in Lebanon, you don't talk about driving in Lebanon.

Kidding, there are no rules.

I don't know what this mean as obviously there are rules and you should abide by them as you would in every other country and... seasoned drivers are now laughing at me.

Killjoys, killjoys I say *waves fist*. 

I'm a pretty docile driver (yes, I know that's about to change). What this means is even though I do curse, I do it as though I'm having a conversation with the other driver. 

Example: 
Other driver: *cuts in front of me*
Me: "Tayyeb, why do you have to be an ass?"

What this also means is I rarely beep. Because, seriously what's the point? 

But, no, that's not acceptable, not to the Mc Driving Killjoys all around. You simply must beep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep to all eternity and back.  

Now, since we're keeping it real and since I'm bound to eventually change, I may just become that woman you see with her hand stuck to the car horn... with glue. 

Maybe that will shut everyone up, especially them Killjoys. 

Happy driving everyone!