It’s that triumphant moment when the “ghost of spinsterhood” AKA “shabah al aaonoosa” is replaced with “happily ever after”. But then, the unsuspecting groom commits one of these acts.
If you are an Arab gentleman engaged to an Arab lady, do yourself a favor and remember to never say or do these things in front of her:
1. Habibti, I think you need a bigger size
No matter how nicely you put it, it will always come out wrong. Don’t ever tell your fiancé that she needs a bigger size for her engagement dress … unless you are really trying to call the wedding off.
Her comeback:
“Habibi, did you really need to eat 3 burgers for lunch today? Wasn’t one enough?” ouch.
2. I think I’ll meet my friends this Thursday
If you are planning to spend Thursday night with the gang smoking shisha or watching a football match then you have 3 options:
a – Go but regret that decision forever and ever
b – Take your fiancé with you
c – Never ever let that idea cross your mind and take her wherever she wants instead
And the answer is C… always C.
Her comeback:
“Sure hayati you can go! I’ll just sit here and plan how to ruin your night.”
3. Nice tabbouleh sweetie, but mama makes the best tabbouleh ever!
R.I.P your relationship. Don’t ever compare your fiancé’s cooking to you your mama’s. I mean seriously man, do you have a death wish?
Her comeback:
“Why not let your mama cook for us from now on then?” Clever!
4. Like her friend’s Instagram photo and not hers
Don’t ask yourself how she noticed that. Instead, ask yourself why you would do something so stupid.
5. Respond to her 10 page love poem with a smiley face emoji
No, emjois are not words. And no, you can’t make things better by sending 10 kissing emojis instead of just one.
6. Honey, I think you went a little too far with that eyeliner
In her head, she looks beautiful, and she probably exaggerated that Amy Winehouse inspired eyeliner to impress you. So don’t burst her beauty bubble.
7. Sleep without sending the “tesbahi aala kheir” text
Especially if your “last seen” status indicates that you are still awake and not asleep.