5 things Ramadan shows don’t deserve an Oscar for

While some Ramadan shows deserve Oscars for intriguing plots, great acting and spot on wardrobe – "Grand Hotel" and "Fawq Mostawa El Shobohat" for example – others are less fortunate and deserve Razzie awards – the opposite of Oscars – for being less than impressive in terms of acting, directing, scriptwriting or all of these categories.

Here are 5 things some 2016 Ramadan shows don’t deserve an Oscar for:

Director Samer Al Barqawi and scriptwriter Bassem Assalka do not deserve an Oscar for originality and creativity, but they certainly deserve an Oscar for their accuracy and precision in copying and pasting exact scenes from movies such as "Original Sin" and "The Best Offer" in their series "Nos Youm." I mean, why exhaust your brain with coming up with original ideas when you can simply steal someone else’s work? And yes when you repeat the exact details of a scene without bringing anything new to the table that’s called "stealing" not "inspired by," especially when you just write in the intro "inspired by foreign stories" instead of naming the films. Besides, if someone is smart enough to combine three different plots together to make one show, then he must be smart enough to create a new and original story, do you agree Mr. Al Barqawi?

Why speak with your tongue when you can speak with your eyes? But the real question is: why (as viewers) do we want to watch such scenes with no dialogue and no action and no purpose? Dear directors: We already know what Kosai Khauli and Nadine Njeim look like and we don’t need to sit through endless scenes of close-up shots on their eyes and noses while they stare at a wall or a mirror. We want action… not meditation.

Some actresses like to keep us guessing by giving us mysterious expressions that we have to decipher: is she laughing? Is she crying? Is she supposed to be frowning right now? Is that supposed to be an angry or shocked face? … You can thank botoxed foreheads, eyes and lips for all these questions and ambiguous facial expressions.

Some actors turned a deaf ear to people who told them “you can’t act” and kept on going, so they kind of deserve an honorary Oscar for their fighting spirit and “haters gonna hate, hate, hate” attitude. So, if you are a an ex-model, a fading singer approaching 40, a loser stand-up comedian or the wife of a rich producer then fear not about the next step in your career… because you can always become an actor. In a couple of years you will be a fixture on the Ramadan TV screen. Whoever said acting needs talent clearly didn’t watch some Lebanese, Syrian and GCC series.

Picture this: you are at your mistress’s flat, suddenly her husband comes in, you jump from the balcony and land on the balcony of the lower flat, you see a woman sitting there. At the same moment the suspicious husband of that woman walks in, he sees you, you jump again to the street and start running, you hear a gunshot, you pause, then you book the first flight to Egypt because you think the police will come after you (why and how doesn’t matter). I didn’t make that up I swear… This is the very "plausible" and "logical" plot of "Jareemat Shaghaf." I mean, it could happen to anyone… Said no one ever!