1. Getting a driving license means having a police man sit next to you during your exam

Bribing a man your grandpa knows in Ouzai doesn’t work here

2. You can use your hair dryer, washing machine & AC at the same time and you’ll still have electricity.

No more yelling from the shower for someone to turn the lights back on

3. That flashing green traffic light means “you better start slowing down” not “Quick, you can still make it.”

You’ve got to wait at that traffic light, even when not a single car passes through in 4 whole minutes

4. Turn your car signal on if you want the driver on the other lane to speed up

Never had that issue in Lebanon because who uses signals anyway?

5. You can only go clubbing until 3 a.m., which is when the lights go on & they kick you out

“Let’s go to Zaroob, I’m sick of Zaatar w Zeit”

6. Everyone you went to college with is at Stereo Arcade this weekend

“Here is the business table & over there is engineering...”

7. You need a license to have alcohol at home

And you can either stock up in the airport duty free or take a road trip to Ajman to buy some beers for the fridge

8. Seasonal depression is during the summer not the winter

Thank God, November is here and we can finally go to the beach!

9. You should invest in shades for your car windshield

You’ve had a lovely day at the beach and you walked to your car that has been parked outside for 4 hours in the sun and you touched your steering wheel and now you’re using toothpaste on your palms to numb the burns

10. And when it rains, there’s a chance the city will flood and you’ll work from home

Unlike that poor guy with a sedan in the industrial area who had to swim to his car door

11. You never thought you’d crave wearing winter clothes

Tell mama to send you your coat now that its 22 degrees

12. Within the first few seconds of hearing a loud bang, your brain scrambles to remember where it is

“What was that? Did you hear that? Ah, just fireworks guys”

13. Eat in public during Ramadan day hours and risk being fined

Nibble on that donut hurriedly behind the blackened window of that Costa that is pretending it’s closed for the day

14. Public transportation is usable but you will never use it

Except for that one time you used the metro and you realized you’d have to take a cab from the metro station to get anywhere.

15. You will gain more weight in your first year in Dubai than you did in your first year of college

Were you not supposed to try the doner kebabs and red bun sliders and peanut butter cookie dough caramelized biscuit ice cream from the food trucks parked right under your building?