I have been waiting to write this post for so long now. Because of all the misery all those dreadful Instagram captions have put me through, here is the list of habits that really should stop …
1. Song lyrics
They have nothing to do with the photo! An elevator selfie does NOT imply "I'm gonna swing from the chandelier, I'm gona live like tomorrow doesn't exist!"
2. Capitalization abuse
Why Are You Capitalizing The First Word Of Every Letter? It's Very Annoying. Yet, props for having so much time, patience and effort to do so.
3. #blessed
Okay, I'll be honest, I like using this one sometimes but I still hate seeing it. #guilty
4. World atlas
What exposure do you get from hashtagging every country in the Arab world – and beyond – in both English and other languages? #kuwait , #q8 , and #AlKuwait all don't care about your pre-wedding selfie.
5. Apologizing
Guys, what is this #sorrynotsorry phenomenon? It makes no sense – are you apologizing to us? If you mean the contrary, whoever said you had to be sorry? I'm confused.
6. Discussing haters
So, would this whole post be a hater post? Am I the reason you are being held back in life? Am I a hater who's gonna hate? Please don't mind me, go on and do your thing.
7. Emotional explosion
A very heartfelt birthday message that is a 20-line emotional roller coaster. Really Najwa, we don't want to know how much you and your best friend connected in Prague last year. #ExtrovertNajwa
8. Anything within that 20-line range, in fact!
Please guys, this is Instagram, not the SAT.
9. Story hashtags
Umm, if you want to say something just write it in normal caption mode … #noneedtofitallthewordsofthedictionaryintoonehashtag
10. Divided story hashtags
#and #neither #do #we #want #to #see #them #like #this
11. Literal and philosophical
Unless you are NatGeo or the Dalai Lama, I see no reason for you to explain the intricate details of the way you were carrying your baby cousin and how good you felt while doing so (I can see it) as well as an existential take on the cycle of life from infancy to death.
12. Emptiness
OK, I know I said don't overdo it, but no caption at all? Seriously? There's a place and time for that: Facebook in 2008.
13. Grammar issues
Instagram has a spell check tool, but we can't count on that because "Instagram " itself is not dictionary-approved. So, your brain should do the job! Alternatively, keep it short and simple so you don't have to put yourself in that position. Perhaps an emoji as a caption?
14. E-mail terminology
Did you just cc Chanel? While you're at it, go ahead and e-mail [email protected] for me please.
15. Language show-off
Najwa, you went to Mexico with your dad on a work trip for one week three years ago – you can't just bombard us with Spanish captions that are clearly courtesy of Google Translate. #CállateNajwa