Every Arab woman - single or not - has been through the horror that is your mom trying to match you up with a guy.
The process is definitely a rollercoaster of twists, turns, and endless awkwardness... and all you want, more than anything, is to run away.
Be prepared ladies, because if any of these 10 things begin to happen, know this is your queue to run:
1. As all things Arab, it always starts with "3a2beliks"
It’s one thing to hear this horrifying word wherever you go, but definitely another when your mother is the one uttering it.
2. Then comes the constant glaring that drives you mad
As soon as your mom hits you with a "3a2belik ya mama," unbreakable stares make an appearance. From there onwards, she will be studying your every move, waiting for signs.
3. "Fi shi hek w hek?" is the first tangible sign from her side
A flow of personal questions creep up on you as she asks if you’re seeing anyone. Your answer, whatever it may be, won't deter your Arab mother from getting to the bottom of it.
4. Enter perplexing compliments
Suddenly, before you have time to take in all previous signs, your mom is all over you. She compliments your looks and points out obvious things like the fact that you're educated and "bint 3ayle."
5. The big reveal follows: "Fi hal shab..."
Here we go, the mysterious guy is brought up into the conversation. You may stuff your face in a pillow to avoid the awkwardness... that's a human right!
6. For no reason but an Arab one, he's always an engineer working in the Gulf
Apparently, there is no possible way for an Arab husband to be "it" without these qualifications.
7. He also has money and is ready to settle down and buy a house with you...
Before you even meet the guy or get the chance to remember his name, you already have a house with him... With all due respect, but WTF, MOTHER???
8. At your show of no interest, she will reveal her dark side
Remember those sweet yet untimely compliments you received not long ago? Yeah well, throw them all away because you're suddenly lazy and not slightly ambitious since you're not interested.
9. Better know you're on a guilt trip now
"I do all I can to make you happy," "Is it my fault that I care?" and other heartbreaking words come out of your mother. Trippin', she got you guilt trippin'...
10. The final step is yours... change the subject and hope for the best
Your mother is probably not willing to talk to you after you showed no interest in her hard investigative work. So, just tell her she's the best mom in the world, kiss her forehead, and hope she doesn't open the subject again.