It’s true, we don’t have our own Oscars in the Arab world (although we do have great reporters who attend the awards) but that doesn’t mean we can’t create an Arab version of it!
So, let’s imagine that these Hollywood stars at the 2017 Oscars were Arabs. Here’s what we think they would sound like:
Arab couples checking each others teeth ... because tabbouleh was served
Jamie: Do I have tabboule between my teeth?
Dakota: No, do I?
Jamie: Yes, don’t smile.
Shawarma breath fills the room
Damn! I just burped … hope no one smelled the jar of garlic I just gulped with my shawerma.
Everybody would fall asleep after a plate of foul mudames with pita bread
Chrissy Tiegen sleeping during the Oscars is every guest during the Murex d’Or… just wake us up when the six hour ceremony is over.
"Kol khara Leo" ... after an argument about Emma's mom's cooking
Leonardo: did you tell your mum I hate the cardamom bombs she puts in her waraq 3enab?
Emma: Shut up Leo and just eat the damn thing!
Don't follow me "makhtoube"
Eye burns from squeezing lemons on "mlokhiye"
Teta! Stop squeezing lemons in my eyes!
" I think Rami Ayach will win the Oscar"
Don’t tell anyone, but I think Rami Ayyach will win the Oscar for best chest hair/facial expressions this year.
Me7shi always comes first!
Walla I was sitting at home stuffing the koussa and watching Arab Idol, then Jamie shouted “yalla we are late for the Oscars!” so I just put on the لحاف and came rushing down the stairs!
Arab tetas be like: "Allah y3eedo 3al jamee3"
Every teta at an Arab wedding: “did they have to kiss in public? In my days we weren’t allowed to meet our husbands till after 5 years of marriage!”
"Habibi khayye, come give me a hug"
Ben: Habibi Casey I’m so proud of you, don’t forget to thank me in your speech or I will tell mama you broke her favorite Turkish coffee pot when we were kids.
"Yee kteer nas7ane"
Almost every Arab friend: “oh my god! When did you get this fat? What happened to 'fruits and vegetables only?'”
"I forgot to lower the heat under the shish barak"
Meryl: La2 ya Danzel!! I think I forgot to lower the heat under the shish barak! De3anon!!
"Look at Ahlam's makeup!"
Ryan Gosling’s face is the same face Ahlam’s makeup artist makes when she asks him to tell her Snapchat followers how pretty she looks!
"7amada" takes the spotlight
7amada just puked on my Oscars dress… good thing I only got it from Qasr Al Amira in Satwa.