Last night's mezze lunch and burrito dinner are starting to show on your hips and that's it, you've had it. You are starting a new diet this week.
The day starts with a fresh bowl of oatmeal. Nothing can stop you.
And then a jog that is actually more a snapchat story of your new sports outfit, taking shameless athletic-themed selfies by Zaitunay Bay. When that's over, you call that friend you hate to ask her about her Victoria's Secret model workout (you hate her because she eats so much and never gets fat).
Since you're there, a coffee at Paul won't hurt. Snapping a croissant, and how you have the will to not consume it, is in order. You think you are ready to conquer the world (reality: not yet).
After showering, a nice green apple you made your mom buy comes at a perfect time. You also made her buy unnecessary diet food you will never have. You still feel like you haven't lost weight, though.
Lunch is a rice biscuit. You convince yourself you're full.
You also convince yourself your progress is awesome (it's really not).
You start asking stupid questions to feel like you're achieving a lot by not eating the world.
Even your friends are lying to you.
At dinner, smelling cakes rather than having them becomes a habit.
The next morning, you pay for a juice detox diet. The juices will slowly become side snacks in addition to the three meals you're not supposed to have – but "I love my kale-coriander juice for lunch!"
At dinner, your friend ordered a burger. You order one, too, and promise a stronger will next weekend. Of course, your social media friends are aware of this because you just #couldnotresist
You know what, you don't even want to diet. You want to just admit to the world that you love food.
Wait, no, you can't do that, because your mom just tagged you in Candice Swanepoel's new Instagram post, adding, "Good luck mama".
#dietfail